Lauren Darlington

Learning about yourself can be scary. Let’s be honest, discovering who you really are, acknowledging your fears, strengths, dreams and flaws is scary. We spend so much time avoiding [this], we pretend to be something we're not, we hide behind social media, we hold ourselves back, we suffocate our true selves..all to avoid being exposed, raw and be totally unapologetically us. What we don’t realise is the moment we are true to ourselves and start living our life the way we want, doing what makes us happy and not letting this be impacted by exterior factors, we truly are alive. The feeling of being in control of your life and true to yourself is one I wish I could bottle up and share with the world. So how did I get here? Read below. (And please understand I am STILL on this journey, I am only at the beginning, but I know I am on the right path)

Lauren Darlington

I was once a very broken and lost girl. At the age of 15 I began a vicious addiction with self harming which lasted for five years. I was lost, confused and hurting. I was constantly trying to change myself to fit the image I thought I needed to be, live the life I ‘should have’. What I failed to realise was I needed to acknowledge what was happening to me, seek help and above all be true to myself. Failing to do this led to me resenting my body and mind, which then led to more self harm. It took almost losing my life for me to realise I couldn’t waste any more time trapped in self harm.

I took the scary step of reaching out for help, stopping self harm and finding new ways to deal with my problems. Self harm was my safety net, so ending this was extremely difficult, like any addiction there were days that were harder than others and there are still days that urges arise. The difference is 

I now know how to handle these feelings and am strong enough to avoid the urge. I am proud to say its been just over 18 months since I have self harmed. 

Reaching out for help was easier than I thought because I am blessed to be surrounded by supportive loving friends and family who have stood by me and guided me in the right direction to recovery, which is a long, ongoing journey.

So what has helped me get from the lost scared girl to the determined focussed girl I am today? I have spent a lot of time learning about myself and trying to understand my feelings. I write daily, read books, practise positive affirmations, look after myself physically and do what makes me happy. 

When I began doing all of these things in conjunction with each other I noticed my perspective on life changed. Freeing myself of the need to be someone I am not unleashed a passion for life I didn’t know I had. I remind myself everyday my life is my choice, after all people will come and go but you are with yourself forever.

Treating my body with love and care is a big change from my old habits of destroying it. I now compete in bodybuilding and have a whole new lifestyle. I train, eat healthy meals and spend time working on my body with pride. I used to be so ashamed of my body I would cry looking in the mirror, I was covered in scars and unhappy with my weight. I now practise self love and look at my body and see strength, hard work and determination. Lifting weights, seeing my strength increase and the changes this made to my body was only the first step in finding my new perspective on life. My view changed from seeing myself as weak, insecure and broken, to strong, persistent and capable. I now look at my body with admiration for what I have overcome and determination for what is ahead.

Like I said at the beginning I am still on my journey to recovery, I still have bad days; I still have doubts and fears. 

What has changed is I now react differently, I acknowledge my feelings and if they are not productive thoughts or emotions I simply practise letting them go. If it doesn’t push me forward, it will only hold me back and I have no time to waste being held back. I am now passionate about my life, excited for my future and have never wanted to truly live more in my life. Remember no matter how bad or how dark times may feel tomorrow always holds possibility for greatness. 

Every day we are given  a blank page to start again, write your story the way you want, everyone will always have their opinions, you control your reaction you cannot control them, control the controllable and remember as you are right now you are enough. Stay true to yourself, because you are beautifully, brilliantly, fabulously YOU.

Please note: This article was 100% written by Lauren Darlington, and are her views and opinions. 

If you would like to get in touch with Lauren, please email her on laurendarlington@hotmail.com or, check out her instagram account @Lllaureenn.